


shout it out like a bird set free

by theomegapoint



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: (actually the negotiation of said thing but), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Relationship Negotiation, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:01:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21795769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theomegapoint/pseuds/theomegapoint
Summary: “Can't we talk about this later?”“It is later.” Combeferre is careful to keep the edge out of his voice, to keep his words neutral enough that Grantaire won't panic. “Do you want me to leave,renard? Yes or no.”
Relationships: Combeferre/Grantaire
Comments: 1
Kudos: 35
Collections: Les Mis Holiday Exchange (2019)





	shout it out like a bird set free

**Author's Note:**

  * For [guineamania](https://archiveofourown.org/users/guineamania/gifts).



> hello! i was just browsing through the prompts and saw yours, which was very inspiring. i tried to incorporate aspects of your other prompts too, so i hope you enjoy! ♥

“We should talk about it.”

Combeferre tries to keep his tone light, having learned that Grantaire responses better when it’s clear nothing’s wrong, but Grantaire tenses anyway. It makes the part of Combeferre that wants nothing but the best for Grantaire ache that someone he’s never met has hurt the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with, but this is not about him. It’s never about him when it comes to Grantaire.

Slow enough that Grantaire will see what he's doing, Combeferre reaches out to touch Grantaire's hand. He tangles their fingers together and looks Grantaire in the eye.

“Please, _renard_.”

“I would rather not,” Grantaire says, looking away and swallowing nervously. It's demure and verging on submissive in the way that Grantaire sometimes gets, and Combeferre hates it. The fact that he knows it’s an imitation of the way omegas “should” act and not Grantaire’s true personality makes Combeferre hate it more. “I should start dinner.”

Like nothing's happened, Grantaire pulls away and gets up, taking Combeferre's empty coffee cup and depositing it in the sink. Combeferre watches the mise en place come together in a way that looks like nonsense to anyone not Grantaire and it would be kinder to let the question die entirely, but he can't. He's already let Grantaire avoid it for almost a month and there’s not really any more time to avoid this. To do this correctly.

“Would it be easier if Courfeyrac helped you through it instead?”

Grantaire doesn't respond, and Combeferre sighs. When Grantaire is in a mood, that tends to be the case and it's usually easier to let the mood pass than try to wrest an answer from Grantaire. Unfortunately, Combeferre knows that this mood is unlikely to ever pass. It’s rooted in something deep down and reinforced by the people that have hurt Grantaire in the past. The story of it has been told to him in bits and pieces by Eponine and Cosette, who brought Grantaire to _Les Amis de l'ABC_ in the first place.

They were extremely protective of their brother in the beginning, and Combeferre is under the impression that while Cosette is rooting for him and believes in his good intentions, Eponine is much more skeptical that any alpha of with romantic intentions is bad for Grantaire and is loath to trust him. Combeferre can understand why, given what he knows. He just wishes that the people closest to Grantaire weren’t also fighting him about this.

“You don't have to talk about him,” Combeferre continues, “because this isn't about that. I just need to know what you want me to do.”

The sound of running water fills the apartment, but Grantaire remains silent. It's a kind of game now between them whenever Combeferre wants an answer and Grantaire is unwilling to provide one. Combeferre just has to figure out the right words to make Grantaire understand that he wants nothing from the omega that isn't freely given. The right words change from conversation to conversation, and it's never easy, but it's always rewarding when he figures it out. This conversation is harder than any other conversation they’ve ever had, though.

“Okay,” Combeferre says, “is it easier if I ask you specific questions? Do you want me here for it or would you rather Courfeyrac check in on you?”

“I don't know,” Grantaire says. It's not a useful answer, but it's progress and Combeferre will take it. “Can't we talk about this later?”

“It is later.” Combeferre is careful to keep the edge out of his voice, to keep his words neutral enough that Grantaire won't panic. “Do you want me to leave, _renard_? Yes or no.”

There's a silence where Combeferre is certain that Grantaire won’t answer him. Then, the sound of vegetables being chopped slows and Combeferre hears the way Grantaire takes a breath.

“I don’t _want_ you to leave,” Grantaire finally says. “If—you need to leave, Combeferre, because you won’t. It’s not right.”

“What’s not right?” That’s not the right question, but Combeferre doesn’t understand what Grantaire is trying to tell him enough to find the right question. “Is this about you not wanting children?”

“It’s not right,” Grantaire repeats, softer this time. That’s still not an answer, and Combeferre is just as lost as he was before. “I can’t do that to you, it’s cruel.”

He lets a silence fall over their apartment while he tries to think of what Grantaire would be referring to. Combeferre can’t be sure, but he remembers a conversation he had with Courfeyrac once where Courfeyrac complained that alphas occasionally said stupid bullshit about their biology to try and bait omegas into sleeping with them. The worst of those excuses, according to Courfeyrac, was that being around an omega in heat meant an alpha couldn’t control themselves because of their instincts.

A lot of what alphas do that’s supposedly down to “biology” is nothing more than things people have let themselves believe. Alphas are violent is the biggest one, but the most insidious of the things they say is that alphas can’t control themselves. There are several variations on it, but the one Combeferre thinks is probably at play here is that alphas are biologically incapable of controlling their need to breed when around an omega in heat.

Even though it’s a common sentiment, it’s complete bullshit that horrified Enjolras more than Combeferre when Courfeyrac said it, but it’s not something that Combeferre thought would be a problem for Grantaire. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that the gap between who Combeferre knows Grantaire to be and who Grantaire is looks more like a deep-sea trench than a creek. The omega he loves is fierce and independent, so Combeferre forgets that Grantaire _is_ still an omega and still has to deal with society’s bullshit expectations.

Cosette told him once, an unbearable sadness in her eyes, that even though Grantaire is better _now_ there are still things that even Eponine and Cosette didn’t know the full extent of. They weren’t overly protective for no reason, but that didn’t change the fact that sometimes Combeferre isn’t able to ignore that what happened in the past is affecting their present. He doesn’t like to bring it up if it’s unnecessary to, but it seems unavoidable in this case.

“Did he tell you alphas lose control around omegas in heat?” There’s a silence from Grantaire and that’s almost more telling than an answer. “Is that why you think I should leave?”

“It’s true,” Grantaire tells the cutting board.

He isn’t sure he’s meant to have heard Grantaire say it, but Combeferre gets up and walks over to where Grantaire is. Grantaire startles when Combeferre wraps his arms around the omega’s waist, but then settles into the touch.

“It’s not true,” Combeferre says. He doesn’t have twelve studies ready to cite like Enjolras would, but that’s not what would win Grantaire over anyway. “I’m an alpha. Have you ever seen me lose control?”

“No?”

Combeferre feels Grantaire say the word more than it hears it. Gently, Combeferre touches his nose to the side of Grantaire’s neck. Grantaire acquiesces easily, allowing Combeferre to breathe in the smell of pine, canvas, and linseed oil. It’s comforting in a way that he wouldn’t be able to explain to anyone else, because it just _fits_ Grantaire. If Combeferre tries, he can sense the slightest hint of turpentine to the smell, indicating that the situation is stressing Grantaire out.

“Do you think Eponine would ever attack you?”

“No!” 

The sweet smell of turpentine gets stronger, and Combeferre lets Grantaire know it’s okay by wrapping them both up in the smell of crumbling glue and yellowed paper. It makes the sweetness fade away.

“Has Enjolras ever lost control, even when you two are having an argument?”

“... No.”

“So,” Combeferre says, conscious of the way he should word this, “what makes you think it would happen during your heat?”

There’s silence from Grantaire, comfortably relaxed into Combeferre’s embrace, and he doesn’t push. Combeferre will always be there to support Grantaire, but there’s a marked difference between support and control. He’s mindful of that difference, given what Grantaire has gone through, and he tries to not directly lead Grantaire to the “right” answer, just an answer than Grantaire feels is right. The narrow space between the two can be difficult to navigate, but it’s worthwhile if it makes his omega feel more comfortable.

“It’s biology,” Grantaire says, like that’s not an appeal to nature and a weak argument at best. “Alphas are meant to be with omegas. They’re meant to breed—it’s a biological drive. You can’t change that.”

Something about the phrasing makes Combeferre think Grantaire is merely repeating a phrase that someone else once said, and Combeferre makes a mental note to ask Cosette about their upbringing under the Thénardiers, because he doesn’t think this is something recent. It sounds memorized to the point Grantaire believes it and from what little Cosette and Eponine have revealed about their upbringing, it may well be something that Grantaire was taught under the Thénardiers.

“What separates us from animals if we are so beholden to our instincts? Are we no better than monkeys, _renard_?”

“Sometimes I don’t think we are.” Grantaire gently elbows Combeferre, and he lets go so Grantaire can go back to making dinner. “Why does it matter, Combeferre?”

“It doesn’t.” Not in the way Grantaire thinks, anyway. “I’m asking why it matters to you, mostly. Help me understand. Do you think Cosette is less for being with Marius, instead of an alpha?”

“No, it’s—” Combeferre can see how the question makes Grantaire falter. When Grantaire is arguing with Enjolras, the omega rarely ever gets tripped up by simple flaws in logic but it happens frequently when Combeferre is doing the questioning. “That’s different.”

“How is it different?”

Because Combeferre makes a habit of studying Grantaire’s face, it’s easy to see that the question frustrates Grantaire in a way that arguments with Enjolras never do and Combeferre used to think it was odd until he’d told Enjolras. Enjolras looked at him, considering, and then shook his head.

_Grantaire and I argue about things that don’t matter, on a personal level. We might be invested in the subject,_ Enjolras said, _but it’s not personal when we argue. When you argue with him, it’s always personal._

The distinction is something that Combeferre tries to remember, when they have difficult conversations like this. When Grantaire is frustrated, it’s not with Combeferre but with the fact that the worldview Grantaire’s spent an entire lifetime believing was true has to be dismantled piece by piece. Rebuilding that is a difficult process, and they both know it’s necessary but it doesn’t make it any less painful when Combeferre takes away the only things that Grantaire has left of the people who raised him.

Forgetting the Thénardiers is harder for Grantaire than it is for Cosette and Eponine, who were much younger when they were put back into foster care. Grantaire was older, halfway through being a teenager, and remembers the Thénardiers much more fondly. Whether or not that’s the truth isn’t for Combeferre to decide, but it is up to him to slowly help Grantaire realize that there’s nothing to be done about the fact that they did kind of suck.

“... I want to say it’s because she’s Cosette and I’m me, but that’s not right, is it? If. If it’s okay for Cosette, then.” Grantaire hesitates, and Combeferre waits to see if the thought will be completed or he’ll have to prompt Grantaire further. “Anything that I wouldn’t judge Cosette for, I can’t judge myself for.”

“Exactly,” Combeferre says. He presses a kiss to Grantaire’s temple and is rewarded with the pleasantly floral smell of linseed oil. “What are you making for dinner?”

“Beef bourguignon. I need you to preheat the oven.” Grantaire gestures vaguely. “177 degrees.”

“Okay.” Combeferre sets the oven and turns back to Grantaire. “Are you going to talk with me about your heat after you put that in the oven?”

Grantaire hesitates again, visible in the way the rhythm of the knife falters, and Combeferre hopes the answer is _yes_. He doesn’t want to have to convince Grantaire of _why_ the conversation is necessary too.

“I—you’ll just keep asking until I agree, won’t you?” There’s a resigned note to the way Grantaire says it, and Combeferre knows that he’s not meant to answer. “Listen, Combeferre, I—this is going to sound so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” Combeferre says, mostly to remind Grantaire it’s true.

“I don’t, euh. I don’t know if I’m comfortable with having you there this time,” Grantaire says, the words unsure and quiet. “That’s not a never, I just—I need to talk to. I have something to work on, with my therapist. First. I think.”

“Okay.” It would be a lie to say he’s not disappointed, but Combeferre is willing to respect Grantaire’s space on this issue. “Do you want Courfeyrac to stay with you?”

“No, I don’t—”

“Grantaire.” The word is slightly harsher than Combeferre would like, but he _needs_ this to be understood. “I refuse to let you be alone. Cosette can come and stay or Courfeyrac can come and stay, but _someone_ needs to be with you.”

“... I’ll call Cosette later and ask if she’s free,” Grantaire says after a moment of silence. “Or if I can stay with her and Marius for a few days.”

“Good.” Combeferre crosses the space of their kitchen again, wrapping his arms around Grantaire and kissing the side of his neck. “Come join me in the living room after you’re done here? We can watch a movie.”

“Yeah.” There’s a lightness to the word, like Grantaire’s realized the hard part of the conversation is over, and it settles something warm and real in Combeferre’s chest. “Give me like twenty minutes?”

“Of course,” Combeferre says, because they have all the metaphorical time in the world. “Grantaire? I’m proud of you, you know.”

“I know.” Grantaire turns in Combeferre’s arms just enough to kiss him. “Go pick one of your dumb nature documentaries to watch and leave me alone so this doesn’t take forever.”

Two years ago or even a year ago, Grantaire wouldn’t have had the confidence to boss Combeferre around, even jokingly, so getting kicked out of their kitchen and teased about the fact that he only watches nature documentaries when left to his own devices makes him happier than it probably should. He does pick a nature documentary for them to watch, just because he wants to hear Grantaire complain about it to cover up the fact that a love for nature documentaries is one of the things they share. They can watch an actual movie later, after Grantaire calls Cosette and they eat dinner.

Tomorrow Combeferre has a lecture to go to and Grantaire has a class to teach at the local art center, but right now, in the space of their apartment, it feels like anything is possible. Combeferre hopes it stays that way, even if just for the night.

**Author's Note:**

> a bunch of unnecessary clarifying notes from the larger world of this fic:  
> \- _renard_ just means fox, which Combeferre uses like a pet name only because it starts with R.  
> \- if you're wondering about the timeline of this they've only been living together for about a year, meaning this is the first time this has actually come up in this sense. the issue of Grantaire's heats has come up before and Combeferre was politely told "no" because Grantaire has a pathological fear of accidental pregnancy.  
> \- Grantaire used to live with Courfeyrac, hence why Combeferre assumed that's who Grantaire would be most comfortable with. which is true, but also Grantaire moved out so Enjolras could move in which makes that like. awkward. super awkward.  
> \- Combeferre is [mumbles something about med school] and like 25, Grantaire is more like 27 and teaches painting to old people and children.  
> \- the Thénardiers were arrested for adoption fraud when Grantaire was about 15 and Cosette+Eponine were closer to 9 or 10. then they were all adopted by Valjean, who was not the Mayor at the time but is now. it's why they all have very strong, very well-informed political opinions.


End file.
